While I was reading the morning news, I stumbled upon a story that could change my life \u2014 well, it could have changed my life 30 years ago before my wife and I had kids, four kids to be exact, four daughters to be more exact, who were the fulfillment of conjugal bliss. At least that\u2019s how I thought about it during my introspective moments, like, say, after a bottle of wine or three. Those were the days, my friend, we thought they\u2019d never end. We all lived under the same roof at the same time with the same bathroom. One bathroom and four daughters. If I had to do it all over again, I\u2019d invest in a pink Port-o-let to keep the waiting lines shorter. Who knew that being married with kids could come with so many complications involving everything from the septic system to acne medication and college roommates? The headline told the whole story: \u201cStudy says if you want a happy relationship, don\u2019t have kids!\u201d The picture accompanying the story was even juicier: A man and a woman were snuggling in the matrimonial bed (or maybe they weren\u2019t married, just \u201cswinging singles\u201d pretending to be married). She was wearing a very revealing black teddy with a lacy bra and looked like she was pursuing a career as a Vegas showgirl or a Maxim pinup. He had a smile on his face. So that\u2019s what marriage is like when you don\u2019t have kids. No one ever told me. Every childless couple who saw that photo probably swore never to procreate and then stampeded down to Victoria\u2019s Secret for the semiannual sale. I don\u2019t recall my marriage being like that, even though I bought my wife a teddy or two for Valentine\u2019s Day, but they ended up in the Salvation Army collection bin in the Wal-Mart parking lot. (I hope we at least got a tax write-off.) The study, which was titled \u201cEnduring Love?\u201d, surveyed 5,000 people and was conducted by the Open University in the United Kingdom. It concluded that couples without kids are more likely to be happy than old Mom and Dad, who are on diaper duty, at soccer practice or driving cross-country to go college hunting. I could have told you as much without doing a high-priced, government-subsidized survey. Why aren\u2019t these universities curing cancer or developing a better breath mint instead of wasting money on this nonsense? The study said childless couples were more satisfied with their lives and felt more valued by their partners than parents did. However, \u201cmothers are the happiest with their life than any other group.\u201d I confess that about 99% of the domestic quarrels I\u2019ve had with my wife revolved around our kids. The other 1% revolved around me. (Or maybe it was the other way around.) There were joys, too. For instance, when I became proficient in the art of diaper changing, I experienced more job satisfaction than I had during my entire career in journalism. In the defense of parenthood, I want to state forcefully and unequivocally that being married with kids provides many pleasures. For example ... let me think about this ... it\u2019s coming to me ... as I was saying. Some benefits are intangible, like ahhh ... Others are tangible. For example, you save on teddies, which cost a lot more than Huggies. For the price of one teddy, you can get three jumbo-packs of Huggies, 42 diapers per pack. And that\u2019s a great deal. I have many friends, with kids and without kids, and all of those without kids are trying to have kids and all of those with kids are struggling to support the kids or being extra nice so they\u2019ll care for them in old age. I admit that if we didn\u2019t have kids, we would have saved a fortune, and that money could have been spent more wisely on ... teddies. However, for the record, I want to say I\u2019m glad we had four daughters, so happy I\u2019m considering trying for Number Five. Joe Pisani may be reached at email@example.com.